1. Problem: It’s midnight and you’re feeling restless. You have a burning desire for human interaction and you can’t sleep. Let’s face it: You’re lonely.
Then: You toss and turn for an hour. Then you drag yourself to the 24-hour convenience store, buy a bottle of wine and walk back home to get yourself drunk. If there’s anyone else doing the same thing you are, you don’t see them.
Now: You pick up your phone, open the Tinder app and start swiping profiles of people in your neighborhood. Left – right – left – left – right – match! Someone else near you is restless too, and they like you. You send them a message: “Would you like to share a bottle of wine?”
2. Problem: You’ve promised your date a home-cooked meal, but when you open the oven, the stew explodes… all over your new dress. What to do…
Then: The both of you are sitting in front of the TV watching the shopping channel and holding cups of instant noodles. You’re wearing a Disney onesie because you haven’t done your laundry and have literally nothing else to wear. You don’t talk to each other for the next hour. You don’t talk to each other ever again.
Now: You get online and log on to Food Panda. Three of the restaurants in the database are said to make fantastic stews — one can deliver within the hour. Perfect. You go for a quick shower then put on one of the new dresses Zalora shipped to your for free after your shopping spree there last week. Your date arrives, they fall in love with the stew then they fall in love with you. The next day you sign up for a cooking class on Coursera.
3. Problem: It’s Friday night and you’re looking damn fine and feeling good… but you don’t have a date. You miss your ex.
Then: You casually call the ex’s friend, “What’s up? Doing anything fun tonight?” They say no, just hanging out with the girls at their usual place. You turn up where they are. They think it’s creepy and they leave, and don’t return anymore of your calls.
Now:You check their Instagram profile and see an artsy photo of three pints of beer tagged #vscocam and #valkyrie. Good, they’re just getting started. You turn up and no one has a clue.
4. Problem: You finally snagged that hot date! They choose the place: a quiet restaurant that doesn’t force you to order from an overpriced set menu. Your date gives you the address, but no directions, and you’re too cool to ask for them.
Then: You hop into a cab early, because you know traffic’s going to be terrible. An hour later you’re on the right street, but after driving back and forth you still can’t find the address. You’re already 10 minutes late! You pay the driver and try to look for it on foot. Eventually you give up and call them. They emerge out of a brass door not three meters away from you just in time to see you give your best Grumpy Cat face.
Now: As you’re getting ready, you book your ride on Easy Taxi. When the taxi arrives — right on time — the driver asks you where you want to go. You tell him the address and use the Waze app to find him a good route. You settle comfortably in your seat. 45 minutes later you’re standing in front of a questionable-looking brass door. Is this the place? The map says it is, so you give the door a push. A hostess tells you your date is already here, and as you walk to the table feeling great, you give yourself a mental pat on the back for reducing hassles with Smart Internet on your phone.
5. Problem: Your date is going horribly. They smell awful and won’t stop talking about the ex. You can’t get a word in and the awkwardness is unbearable.
Then: You let them ramble on. Unable to find an avenue of escape you’re forced to sit through the entire embarrassing charade. You try to shut them out, but the place they took you to is a dive and they’re literally the only thing you can hear. This is going to be a long and awful night.
Now: You Tickle your phone and it rings. You pick up, pretend it’s an emergency and run for your life. Now you’re safe, but have nothing to do. You Tweet your predicament. Smart Internet works like lightning and one of your acquaintances tweets back: “I’m in the area. Want to go for coffee?”
6. Problem: You’re on the way to work when your partner, who lives in another country, calls you. “Hey… Guess what I’m wearing,” they say.
Then: You get excited — being in a long-distance relationship means you almost never get such calls. You tell them you have no idea, and ask that they show you. “Erm, I can’t.” Oh. Right.
Now: You get excited — no matter how many times they do it it never gets old. “I don’t know, you wanna show me?” you ask. They say they’ll video call you on Skype in five seconds.
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