Exclusive! Aia de Leon on new single “Tao Lang”: I asked God to grant me a day job. He answered me with a song

Got a tip? Send it to us at manila@coconuts.co.

A year after her old band, Imago, launched Mayumi Gomez as her replacement, vocalist Aia de Leon is back with “Tao Lang,” her lead single as a solo artist. Coconuts Manila had sent Aia 14 questions but she replied with an inspiring essay about the inner turmoil that led her to quit her band before she could damage it, and how belief has helped her bounce back.

For seven years, I was a wreck. I was in a deep denial over things that needed fixing. Over time, my turmoil had boiled into rage. It was rage I could no longer water down; rage so fertile I couldn’t find its roots.

So I put on layers of faces. I quickly acquired the skill of using filters as I found it necessary to survive a hostile public and private environment.

My heart, my mind, my spirit, my soul kept breaking. From a hundred pieces to a thousand, from thousands to millions, and millions to quadrillions until there was no decent fragment with which to start mending.

What do you expect from a broken person? Broken people hurt. Hurt people hurt other people. As my broken, ungrateful heart navigated though the world, I proudly pranced about, a walking thorn that pierced anything that came close.

My mind was in a constant state of paranoia, in full armor of defense of every threat, real or imagined.

Two years ago, I felt compelled to leave my band [Imago]. I was the toxic element to it and I had to leave before my brokenness could damage their joy completely. I had fallen out of love for everything.

I half-heartedly mentioned venturing into a solo career after my departure. But the past two years of my absence is a glaring piece of evidence of my disinterest.

But God has been faithful to this broken heart. I turned to Him and said, “There’s nothing to break! Or is there?”

As it turned out, there was. I found my feet shuffling in a queue, a nametag on my chest in the busy studios of ABS-CBN. Joining The Voice was it.

I had to walk through this brand of fire to claim the answer for my deepest and darkest question, “Sino ba talaga ako?”

It was a lose/lose situation. Followers and friends from my scene hurled obscenities in my face or behind my back, calling me names like “sell out,” “madamot,” or “gusto lang sumikat.”

If I lost, [I knew would hear things like ] “hindi siya magaling” or “serves you right, sama kasi ng ugali mo.” Should I win, [I knew I’d hear things like] “luto.”

But whatever fear crept in, I knew I just had to do it. The breaking had to be public. I came out of the blind with no chair turned, walking in painful stilettos, feeling something I haven’t felt in a long time: freedom — or at least the first whiffs of it.

Seven months ago, the last encumbrance to my real joy was yanked out of my life. This time nothing owned me but God. I had no career, no money, no friends, no partner. I had nothing. And it was glorious.

The only think I asked God was to grant me a day job so I could collect funds to put me through Bible school. I wanted to be a missionary.

He answered me with a song. Anong gagawin ko dito, I asked. Tamad-tamaran ako nung umagang ‘yun. Oo, para akong diesel. Lutang. Matapos ang araw-araw na pag-iyak sa panalangin, gusto ko sana umidlip. Mabigat na kasi ang mga mata ko.

Then I just felt it. “Gitara,” [something seemed to whispered to me.] Maldita naman akong sumagot: “Seryoso? Now?”

Nagkape muna ako. That was around 2pm. When the clock struck 7:33pm, I had finished “Tao Lang.”

I asked: Anong gagawin ko dito, Lord? Di ba ayoko nang bumalik dun? At bakit parang naghubad pa ako sa kantang ito?

In three months time, everything that had to happen, happened. I sang, I recorded. I built a website. I shot a video. I even had an ambush video launch.

At this point, I have chosen to ride God’s wave. If this journey takes me to surf through emotions tempered by wisdom, and to throw it in the frame of songs, then wonderful.

As a songwriter and as your occasional singer, I only want to give you songs that are real and downright honest. Sa mundong pilit kayong tinutulak maging perpekto at ganap, ako na ang aamin sa mga bagay na kinakailangan nyong ilibing sa puso ninyo. Baka sakaling makatulong sa inyong paghilom.